All I want for Christmas is Yu

Darvish.

Or a Number Two. Starter.

And a sleeping bag. And that's all I need. And a Gate's BBQ shirt.

C'mon, Royals! We are already the second-best team in the AL Central on paper. Go for it!

Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Fuck no!

P.S. Do you mean I'm gonna stay this color?

P.P.S. He hates these cans!

P.P.P.S. I wanna be the Tyler Palko of Iowa!

New blog

So I did start a new blog. Unfortunately, this is one that deals with my (fairly) recent descent into madness (really). But it's still kind of funny. http://wspattack.blogspot.com/ .

Haven't felt this bad since Brad and Jen broke up

Zack Greinke is married to a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader; he's young; he's a multi-millionaire; he's already won a Cy Young award; and he has nasty, nasty stuff. Whatever his issues are...self-confidence ain't one of them. In addition to being the best pitcher on any given team, he thinks he's the best hitter, golfer, World of Warcraft player, etc. In the end, he was kind of an ass. But I will miss him a great deal. Since the trade went down, I have been in a serious funk. It's kinda like I felt when Brad and Jen broke up.

Here's my take on the guys the Royals got:

Alcides Escobar -- slick-fielding shortstop #AtLeastHeIsntYuni

Lorenzo Cain -- has a hitch in his swing #NotSold

Jeremy Jeffers -- a big arm for the pen #OurPenIsGoingToBeSick #DontCareAboutTheHappyWeed

*It's good to get some more dark-skinned players #NotRacist

Jake Odorizzi -- yet another good pitching prospect #BestSystemInBaseball.

The linguistic art of arguing with an umpire

Lou Piniella was telling a story about a run-in with an umpire on MLB radio last night:

Piniella: Where was that pitch at?

Ump: I'm surprised at you, Lou. You went to college, right?

Piniella: What are you getting at?

Ump: You should know better than to end a sentence with a preposition.

Piniella: Let me re-phrase this for you. Where was that pitch at, you stupid sonofabitch?

Then, according to Lou, he got to enjoy the rest of the game in the dugout with a cold beer.

Over the Cliff

Am I the only one who thinks Cliff Lee is really overrated? I've never thought of him as a great pitcher, despite what he did last season. This is probably because (with the exception of his Cy Young year in 2008) he's never impressed me much while pitching against my lowly Kansas City Royals. Here is how Lee has faired against the mighty Royals lineup over the years (assuming I looked up the numbers correctly):

2010 -- 7.71 ERA

2009 -- 3.27

2008 -- 2.63

2007 -- 16.62

2006 -- 5.09

2005 -- 5.80

2004 -- 4.35

This proves absolutely nothing. But (for what it's worth) I think Zack Greinke is worth a lot more than Lee.

Frank White as the doctor on The Simpsons

A license to shit in the streets

Read Keith Richards' book. I dog-eared a bunch of pages. The following are apparently the lines I liked while reading:

There's no way to stop a primate. If I'm in, I'm in.

It's not something you take in the head, it's something you take in the guts.

Unfortunately, he screwed up with the chicks and had a short life.

Yet it is true that one day we looked at this mess, Phelge and I, and thought that there was perhaps nothing else to do than to clean it.

We despised money, we despised cleanliness, we just wanted to be black motherfuckers.

We're half man and half horse, and we got a license to shit in the streets.

Their elitism was total bullshit. Ken Kesey's got a lot to answer for.