According to Flanagan, Joey Gathright's nicknames back in Mississippi are Bubba and Honey Bun. We doubt Honey Bun's teammates have any fun with that in the clubhouse.
The other night Greinke had a lead-off guy at third with no outs. The Greinkster got out of it, of course. We've seen him do that a number of times. In that situation, the runner probably scores more than 90 percent of the time. Somebody look up the percentage of runners Greinke has let score from third with no outs. We bet it's considerably better than the average.
Also, somebody look up TPJ's batting average with two strikes. We bet it's better than his otherwise awful average. You'd think that would tell him something about his general approach to hitting.
NOTE: If you do decide to tackle any of this research, there's a pink Big Donkeys halter-top in it for you, for Mother's Day.
We just don't get Teahen. He was absolutely money for three months two years ago -- totally locked in and DRIVING the ball. Now he's a dunker, walker and striker-outer. We have been WAITING for Moneyball to return to form, defending him against all naysayers, openly rooting for him to succeed, but we're to the point where we just don't think it's going to happen. It looks like Mark might be a nice bench guy for some team. We hope we're wrong. Right now, Moneyball's value is sinking faster than the U.S. Dollar.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Vital signs
The Royals actually met some of the conditions we outlined yesterday, so maybe we won't have to make this a blog dedicated to a Canadian rock trio after all. Last night, the Royals did score more than seven runs and Alex Gordon hit a dinger. Also, the Royals hit a bunch of doubles, which are way better than singles. The Big Donkey hit one of those doubles. And David Dejesus hit a home run. Dejesus may be our best player. Sadly, it looks like he might out-homer Moneyball Mark Teahen.
Right now, the Royals are averaging about 3.75 runs per game. Coincidentally, the average price of gasoline in Missouri is currently right at $3.75. If the Royals can keep up with the price of gas, we predict a division championship.
So who is going to be Obama's running mate? We have narrowed the field down to Bill Richardson, Ed Rendell, Kathleen Sebelius, Jim Webb and the governor of Alaska (because she's hot). Maybe, if the Royals tank tonight, we'll do a SWOT analysis of the veep field tomorrow. Because that's the kind of stuff that brings readers back again and again.
CORRECTION: The Governor of Alaska is a Republican (not that there's anything wrong with that). But she's still kind of hot.
P.S. We once considered making an entire blog dedicated to Greinkeisms, which is why this is one of the greatest threads ever.
Right now, the Royals are averaging about 3.75 runs per game. Coincidentally, the average price of gasoline in Missouri is currently right at $3.75. If the Royals can keep up with the price of gas, we predict a division championship.
So who is going to be Obama's running mate? We have narrowed the field down to Bill Richardson, Ed Rendell, Kathleen Sebelius, Jim Webb and the governor of Alaska (because she's hot). Maybe, if the Royals tank tonight, we'll do a SWOT analysis of the veep field tomorrow. Because that's the kind of stuff that brings readers back again and again.
CORRECTION: The Governor of Alaska is a Republican (not that there's anything wrong with that). But she's still kind of hot.
P.S. We once considered making an entire blog dedicated to Greinkeisms, which is why this is one of the greatest threads ever.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Be cool or be cast out
We're not talking about the Royals again until Mark Teahen and Billy Butler and Alex Gordon hit their next home runs, and the Royals score at least seven runs in a game.
(Go Greinke!)
So, what's your favorite Rush album?
Let's break this down into three periods:
The seventies -- Caress of Steel (1975), Fly By Night (1975), 2112 (1976), A Farewell to Kings (1977), Hemispheres (1978), Permanent Waves (1980).
The eighties -- Moving Pictures (1981), Signals (1982), Grace Under Pressure (1984), Power Windows (1985), Hold Your Fire (1987), Presto (1989).
The nineties -- Roll The Bones (1992) and all of the crap after that.
Rush jumped the shark with Roll the Bones, which had one good song (Bravado). We don't like any of the albums after they rolled the coach.
We like to be contrarians, but we can't go against the collective will of former pot heads everywhere and pick any album but 2112 as our favorite concept album.
In a decade that is known for bad music, Rush produced some amazing albums in the eighties. Our favorites bookend the decade perfectly, Moving Pictures and Presto. Two songs on Moving Pictures are Rush at the height of their powers, "Red Barchetta" and "Camera Eye." We like Presto because it is the last album in which the band is engineering complex Rush materpieces, and they're doing it with significant independent maturity. After that, they started responding awkwardly to other musical trends. Go listen to "The Pass" and tell us that's not a good song.
So what's your favorite Rush album? Song?
What's your favorite album cover of all time, Rush and/or other? (We're talking about record album cover art here.)
P.S. Shakespeare quote of the day: "I'll so offend to make offense a skill, redeeming time when men think least I will."
(Go Greinke!)
So, what's your favorite Rush album?
Let's break this down into three periods:
The seventies -- Caress of Steel (1975), Fly By Night (1975), 2112 (1976), A Farewell to Kings (1977), Hemispheres (1978), Permanent Waves (1980).
The eighties -- Moving Pictures (1981), Signals (1982), Grace Under Pressure (1984), Power Windows (1985), Hold Your Fire (1987), Presto (1989).
The nineties -- Roll The Bones (1992) and all of the crap after that.
Rush jumped the shark with Roll the Bones, which had one good song (Bravado). We don't like any of the albums after they rolled the coach.
We like to be contrarians, but we can't go against the collective will of former pot heads everywhere and pick any album but 2112 as our favorite concept album.
In a decade that is known for bad music, Rush produced some amazing albums in the eighties. Our favorites bookend the decade perfectly, Moving Pictures and Presto. Two songs on Moving Pictures are Rush at the height of their powers, "Red Barchetta" and "Camera Eye." We like Presto because it is the last album in which the band is engineering complex Rush materpieces, and they're doing it with significant independent maturity. After that, they started responding awkwardly to other musical trends. Go listen to "The Pass" and tell us that's not a good song.
So what's your favorite Rush album? Song?
What's your favorite album cover of all time, Rush and/or other? (We're talking about record album cover art here.)
P.S. Shakespeare quote of the day: "I'll so offend to make offense a skill, redeeming time when men think least I will."
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Big Donkey piss is a renewable resource
We started taking notes around the sixth inning last night.
If nobody wins the Sixth Inning Slam (and we don't really remember the Royals hitting many home runs in any inning), shouldn't that pot be growing at least semi-exponentially? Seems like that thing ought to be up to a million by now.
Who in the hell taught Mark Teahen to hit that one year in Omaha? Please tell us it wasn't Mike Barnett.
Now we've got a FIVE-man rotation.
DM knows pitching. Does he know hitting?
Jose Guillen! He ain't worth 36 meellion!
We demand some offense. Yes we can!
Where are the white women at?
Wham! A homer! Shit. Wrong team.
That's a shame.
Forget about it. We'll get em tomorrow (tonight).
OK. In order to take your minds off that frustrating loss, let's talk about gas prices.
Let's see if we've got this right:
The price of oil is higher, so the price to transport gas is higher, so the price at the pump is higher, which makes it more expensive to transport the next batch of gas to the pump, which drives the price per gallon up even more. Repeat vicious cycle.
Somebody should put Buddy Bell or Sluggrrr in charge of creating a new U.S. energy policy. We couldn't do any worse. Besides, Tom Friedman's busy writing another book about Bangladesh.
Screw Alaska. Tear that place apart in search of the last drop of oil like it's one BIG construction zone at the corner of I-70 and Blue Ridge Cut-Off.
Build some goddamn refineries already. Oklahoma's not that pretty to begin with.
How come we can't figure out a way to run automobiles on urine? Talk about a renewable resource. And we call ourselves Americans. Sheesh.
If we did run our vehicles on urine, Big Donkeys would drink twice as much beer and we'd be able to top off our car, the lawn mower, and the neighbor's SUV every night. We're willing to take up the slack, people.
We're SERIOUS about this. It's all about the circle of life. The answers to everything are available by watching kids movies, listening to post-cocaine Elton John and observing NATURE.
P.S. If you're a Hoosier or a Tar Heel, don't forget to vote for Isiah "Air" Obama today. If Rev. Wright's endorsement isn't good enough for you, be comforted by the fact that Big Donkeys knows basketball and we can vouch for Barack.
P.P.S. Every time a true genius emerges, a confederacy of dunces led by Sean Hannity (aka Stuck On Stupid) will rise up to make sure BIG ideas don't get into circulation.
P.P.P.S. On the other side of the divide, we heard this morning on NPR that some liberal professors are all upset that Ayn Rand's novels might get taught at the university level and that some students might get brainwashed into thinking for themselves. Great. Those eggheads are insufferable. We're Big Donkey Democrats, but we like a good Ayn Rand blast every once in a while to make us think. Just give the students Anthem and then make them listen to 2112. The education takes care of itself.
If nobody wins the Sixth Inning Slam (and we don't really remember the Royals hitting many home runs in any inning), shouldn't that pot be growing at least semi-exponentially? Seems like that thing ought to be up to a million by now.
Who in the hell taught Mark Teahen to hit that one year in Omaha? Please tell us it wasn't Mike Barnett.
Now we've got a FIVE-man rotation.
DM knows pitching. Does he know hitting?
Jose Guillen! He ain't worth 36 meellion!
We demand some offense. Yes we can!
Where are the white women at?
Wham! A homer! Shit. Wrong team.
That's a shame.
Forget about it. We'll get em tomorrow (tonight).
OK. In order to take your minds off that frustrating loss, let's talk about gas prices.
Let's see if we've got this right:
The price of oil is higher, so the price to transport gas is higher, so the price at the pump is higher, which makes it more expensive to transport the next batch of gas to the pump, which drives the price per gallon up even more. Repeat vicious cycle.
Somebody should put Buddy Bell or Sluggrrr in charge of creating a new U.S. energy policy. We couldn't do any worse. Besides, Tom Friedman's busy writing another book about Bangladesh.
Screw Alaska. Tear that place apart in search of the last drop of oil like it's one BIG construction zone at the corner of I-70 and Blue Ridge Cut-Off.
Build some goddamn refineries already. Oklahoma's not that pretty to begin with.
How come we can't figure out a way to run automobiles on urine? Talk about a renewable resource. And we call ourselves Americans. Sheesh.
If we did run our vehicles on urine, Big Donkeys would drink twice as much beer and we'd be able to top off our car, the lawn mower, and the neighbor's SUV every night. We're willing to take up the slack, people.
We're SERIOUS about this. It's all about the circle of life. The answers to everything are available by watching kids movies, listening to post-cocaine Elton John and observing NATURE.
P.S. If you're a Hoosier or a Tar Heel, don't forget to vote for Isiah "Air" Obama today. If Rev. Wright's endorsement isn't good enough for you, be comforted by the fact that Big Donkeys knows basketball and we can vouch for Barack.
P.P.S. Every time a true genius emerges, a confederacy of dunces led by Sean Hannity (aka Stuck On Stupid) will rise up to make sure BIG ideas don't get into circulation.
P.P.P.S. On the other side of the divide, we heard this morning on NPR that some liberal professors are all upset that Ayn Rand's novels might get taught at the university level and that some students might get brainwashed into thinking for themselves. Great. Those eggheads are insufferable. We're Big Donkey Democrats, but we like a good Ayn Rand blast every once in a while to make us think. Just give the students Anthem and then make them listen to 2112. The education takes care of itself.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Nice pair of wins
Rack em.Who needs offense when you can pitch like that?
We'd put our top four starters up against anybody.
The back end of the bullpen ain't too shabby either.
If we could just get some solid production from the middle of the lineup (Gordon, Guillen, Butler, Teahen), this team would be dangerous.
Can anybody figure out this division? We don't see a lot of separation happening any time soon.
Happy May 5. Keep the tequila away from us.
We went to a couple of art shows this weekend. We can't wait to exhibit our boob paintings. We're going to hire somebody eccentric to pose as the artist and instruct him to discuss the finer differences between pornography and art with the patrons over fancy coffee and various cheeses.
We couldn't pick a horse to save our life Saturday. But Big Donkeys' bookie needed the money to pay off Big Donkeys' dad, who won every race he bet on. He even had Eight Bells to place. Too bad about what happened after the finish.
Yes, Big Brown should have been an obvious pick. But his odds weren't any fun, and they're going to be even more boring down the line. If that horse doesn't win the Triple Crown, we'd be shocked.
Watched Waking Ned Devine again this weekend. We love that movie. The Royals are like Pig Finn. They should be perfectly respectable, but they really need to figure out a way to get rid of years' worth of stink.
P.S. If John Bale was a horse, would they have to put him down?
Friday, May 2, 2008
Into the blue again
This team isn't very loveable right now, apart from Greinke. Even The Big Donkey is in a funk.
Same as it ever was. Pretty much.
We thought the Royals were going to be pretty good, but we thought the offense would have a slightly more perceptible pulse.
We are not very impressed with Hillmanball right now.
We do have to admit that we are pretty impressed with DeJesus right now. Grudz, too. Gathright, not so much.
The word is out: Pitch Butler in tight. He's going to have to prove he can turn on one of those pitches and yank it DEEP IN THE AIR, preferably off or over the wall.
Of course, the next time The Big Donkey does hit one off the wall, he's sure to get thrown out at second.
Who will hit the next home run first: Butler or Teahen or Greinke or TPJ?
When you get shut down by Sidney Ponson, you have to start doubting yourself, and you deserve to be living in a shotgun shack.
Geez. We need some offensive PLAYERS. And there really aren't any position players on the farm to look forward to in the short term. We're just going to have to endure this for a while. Shit.
If we produced results like Mike Barnett, we would have been fired by now. (This is not really true. We work for the American people, and the less we actually do, the more likely it is that we'll be put in charge of something important. At which point, we might find ourselves behind the wheel of a large automobile.)
P.S. We've got computers. We're tapping phone lines. We know that that ain't allowed.
P.P.S. This ain't no party. This ain't no disco. This ain't no fooling around!
P.P.P.S. We're offering a free "Royals Fans Do It Donkey Style!" (TM) T-shirt to the first fan who can put this post into its proper musical context with an appropriately witty comment.*
P.P.P.P.S. Hillary and O'Reilly are almost certainly going to have a torrid love affair. The chemistry between those two is unbelievable, partly because they're both Butch Lesbians. Good for them. Big Donkeys wishes we had a foil to turn us on like that, but Ann Coulter won't return our calls.
*We still don't have any Big Donkeys T-shirts.
Same as it ever was. Pretty much.
We thought the Royals were going to be pretty good, but we thought the offense would have a slightly more perceptible pulse.
We are not very impressed with Hillmanball right now.
We do have to admit that we are pretty impressed with DeJesus right now. Grudz, too. Gathright, not so much.
The word is out: Pitch Butler in tight. He's going to have to prove he can turn on one of those pitches and yank it DEEP IN THE AIR, preferably off or over the wall.
Of course, the next time The Big Donkey does hit one off the wall, he's sure to get thrown out at second.
Who will hit the next home run first: Butler or Teahen or Greinke or TPJ?
When you get shut down by Sidney Ponson, you have to start doubting yourself, and you deserve to be living in a shotgun shack.
Geez. We need some offensive PLAYERS. And there really aren't any position players on the farm to look forward to in the short term. We're just going to have to endure this for a while. Shit.
If we produced results like Mike Barnett, we would have been fired by now. (This is not really true. We work for the American people, and the less we actually do, the more likely it is that we'll be put in charge of something important. At which point, we might find ourselves behind the wheel of a large automobile.)
P.S. We've got computers. We're tapping phone lines. We know that that ain't allowed.
P.P.S. This ain't no party. This ain't no disco. This ain't no fooling around!
P.P.P.S. We're offering a free "Royals Fans Do It Donkey Style!" (TM) T-shirt to the first fan who can put this post into its proper musical context with an appropriately witty comment.*
P.P.P.P.S. Hillary and O'Reilly are almost certainly going to have a torrid love affair. The chemistry between those two is unbelievable, partly because they're both Butch Lesbians. Good for them. Big Donkeys wishes we had a foil to turn us on like that, but Ann Coulter won't return our calls.
*We still don't have any Big Donkeys T-shirts.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
The sun's not yellow, it's chicken!
We haven't consulted Bill James yet, but we are guessing that, given average offensive production at SS and first base, the Royals would win almost 10 more games this season. That would be highly significant.
Soria, Nunez and Ramirez have been great. But the rest of our bullpen sucks. (OK. It's mainly just Yabuta.)
And Greinke's the only starter who hasn't blown up lately. Knock on wood.
The Rangers whole pitching staff sucks.
Check out Carlos Rosa's numbers on the farm.
Big Donkeys' favorite random Bob Dylan line: The sun's not yellow, it's chicken!
How good would Josh Hamilton look in the middle of the R's lineup? That guy is a monster.
The Aruban Nightmare goes today for the Texans, which is good news for the boys from Raytown.
Do you think it's possible that Sidney Ponson knows the whereabouts of Natalee Holloway?
Note to Greinke for today: When in doubt, walk Hamilton.
Soria, Nunez and Ramirez have been great. But the rest of our bullpen sucks. (OK. It's mainly just Yabuta.)
And Greinke's the only starter who hasn't blown up lately. Knock on wood.
The Rangers whole pitching staff sucks.
Check out Carlos Rosa's numbers on the farm.
Big Donkeys' favorite random Bob Dylan line: The sun's not yellow, it's chicken!
How good would Josh Hamilton look in the middle of the R's lineup? That guy is a monster.
The Aruban Nightmare goes today for the Texans, which is good news for the boys from Raytown.
Do you think it's possible that Sidney Ponson knows the whereabouts of Natalee Holloway?
Note to Greinke for today: When in doubt, walk Hamilton.
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