So do you want the Tigers to win today? That means they'd tie the Royals in the standings. But it also means that Minnesota would win the division instead of the ChiSox. We are torn. We can't stand the ChiSox.
Congrats to the Milwaukees. C.C. Sabathia's arm is going to fall off after the season is over, though.
The Gil Meche doubters can go ahead and shut up. Given a few moves over the winter, the pitching staff should be in nice shape. If the Royals do sign a free agent starter, here's who we would suggest: Derek Lowe.
The Royals will have to be more creative, though, when it comes to bolstering the offense. It's probably going to require at least one risky trade.
Dayton knows pitching. Now it's time to prove he has the magic touch when it comes to targeting hitting.
P.S. Today is the last day before the Great Depression II hits in full force. We already stocked up on Ramen noodles. Seriously.
P.P.S. The Tigers-Chisox game is apparently rain delayed. Do you think they'll get it in before the Chinese assume control?
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
The United States of Generica
So there's been this email going around. Maybe you've seen it in your in-box. The email tries to show how every citizen over 18 could get something like $300,000 for the same money we're about to spend on this Wall Street fix. This would flood the housing markets with good money and pump tons of cash into Main Street and Wall Street. It sounds like a fantastic idea, especially when you consider how corrupt and inept congress and the business tycoons have been. Why not just give the money to us?
But what if almost everybody suddenly had $3000,000? Think about it for a minute...
The college kids would all quit school and smoke dope full time.
Nobody would be willing to do low-paying jobs for at least a few years.
Who would do labor?
Who would work fast food?
Who would tend bar?
Who would work at Wal-Mart?
The strippers would all quit!
The influx of illegal workers would be massive.
All of the rednecks would go out and buy huge trucks.
We would use up all of the remaining oil in two years.
Regular Americans would buy double or triple the crap they don't need.
There would be a Texas Roadhouse and an Applebee's on every corner, but nobody would be willing to work there for under 50 bucks an hour.
Regular Americans would get lazier, fatter, and dumber.
The old money crowd would get increasingly scared of the huge class of new money barbarians.
Massive inflation would happen.
The new money barbarians would spend all of their money and go broke.
Hello strippers again!
P.S. We recently got a line of credit from Washington Mutual, which failed yesterday. Does this mean we now don't have to pay back any of the money we spend?
P.P.S. Use the force tonight Obama. You are the last hope.
UPDATE: Apparently the email going around is wrong. Imagine that! Instead of $300,000, we'd each get about $425 bucks. That's almost enough money to go out to Arrowhead and watch the Chiefs lose.
But what if almost everybody suddenly had $3000,000? Think about it for a minute...
The college kids would all quit school and smoke dope full time.
Nobody would be willing to do low-paying jobs for at least a few years.
Who would do labor?
Who would work fast food?
Who would tend bar?
Who would work at Wal-Mart?
The strippers would all quit!
The influx of illegal workers would be massive.
All of the rednecks would go out and buy huge trucks.
We would use up all of the remaining oil in two years.
Regular Americans would buy double or triple the crap they don't need.
There would be a Texas Roadhouse and an Applebee's on every corner, but nobody would be willing to work there for under 50 bucks an hour.
Regular Americans would get lazier, fatter, and dumber.
The old money crowd would get increasingly scared of the huge class of new money barbarians.
Massive inflation would happen.
The new money barbarians would spend all of their money and go broke.
Hello strippers again!
P.S. We recently got a line of credit from Washington Mutual, which failed yesterday. Does this mean we now don't have to pay back any of the money we spend?
P.P.S. Use the force tonight Obama. You are the last hope.
UPDATE: Apparently the email going around is wrong. Imagine that! Instead of $300,000, we'd each get about $425 bucks. That's almost enough money to go out to Arrowhead and watch the Chiefs lose.
The wizardry of Aviles
We now know that Mike Aviles is one of the better offensive shortstops in the league, but the statistics also show (apparently) that Aviles is one of the best defensive shortstops. Do you buy it?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Every time you think you're out, they pull you back in
Remember back in Little League when coaches were always saying, "A walk's as good as a hit"? Turns out, it's true!
So we are actually interested in how the Royals are going to finish the season again. Greinke has already finished his year, and it was the kind of performance that elite starting pitchers put up over the course of a whole season.
This off-season is shaping up to be very, very interesting.
But we can't take our mind off the train wreck that is politics.
Sarah Palin is so woefully unprepared for media interaction...it's a cruel, sad, scary joke. And John McCain's stunts are just getting more desperated and tired. He'll do anything. We fully expect him to announce that, in an effort to put America first, he's going to suspend his campaign for a week while he launches himself to the moon in order to recapture the American flag.
Meanwhile, Biden is a dog. He's usually a refreshingly honest, smart and loyal dog. But he also has a crazy tendency to shit in the middle of the yard.
But, yeah, we still like Barry. We've got a bumper sticker and everything. This is the first time we've ever put a candidate's bumper sticker on our car. And this one doesn't play very well in the Ozarks.
P.S. Depressions are always easier to weather when you're already broke.
P.P.S. Bush was predictably pathetic last night. Sometimes we feel sorry for him. Then we try to comprehend how much damage he's done. Boggles. The. Mind.
So we are actually interested in how the Royals are going to finish the season again. Greinke has already finished his year, and it was the kind of performance that elite starting pitchers put up over the course of a whole season.
This off-season is shaping up to be very, very interesting.
But we can't take our mind off the train wreck that is politics.
Sarah Palin is so woefully unprepared for media interaction...it's a cruel, sad, scary joke. And John McCain's stunts are just getting more desperated and tired. He'll do anything. We fully expect him to announce that, in an effort to put America first, he's going to suspend his campaign for a week while he launches himself to the moon in order to recapture the American flag.
Meanwhile, Biden is a dog. He's usually a refreshingly honest, smart and loyal dog. But he also has a crazy tendency to shit in the middle of the yard.
But, yeah, we still like Barry. We've got a bumper sticker and everything. This is the first time we've ever put a candidate's bumper sticker on our car. And this one doesn't play very well in the Ozarks.
P.S. Depressions are always easier to weather when you're already broke.
P.P.S. Bush was predictably pathetic last night. Sometimes we feel sorry for him. Then we try to comprehend how much damage he's done. Boggles. The. Mind.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
One day at a time, sweet Jesus
Where have these Royals been for the past few months?
If the Royals trade Zack Greinke, we'll have a Big Donkey seizure.
So yesterday morning, we had a neck ache. We reached for some Tylenol on our desk, swallowed a pill, and then looked at the package. It was a Tylenol PM. We have no idea what Tylenol PM was doing on our desk. We got very tired. We had to cancel a class. We had to go home and take a long, unscheduled nap.
We are going to try very hard to get through today without doing something really stupid.
If the Royals trade Zack Greinke, we'll have a Big Donkey seizure.
So yesterday morning, we had a neck ache. We reached for some Tylenol on our desk, swallowed a pill, and then looked at the package. It was a Tylenol PM. We have no idea what Tylenol PM was doing on our desk. We got very tired. We had to cancel a class. We had to go home and take a long, unscheduled nap.
We are going to try very hard to get through today without doing something really stupid.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Keep on the sunny side
Batting average isn't the best baseball statistic in the world, but it's kind of nice to see these averages: Aviles (.319) and Dejesus (.307). And Callaspo's hitting .313.
Meanwhile, the Royals aren't totally without power. They still need a legitimate HR hitter, in addition to continued power development by young players, but Guillen has 20 HR, Gordon and Teahen have 15, Dejesus and Olivo have 12, Butler has 10, and Buck has 9. It's a start.
OK. The HR totals are still pitiful. But it looks like the days of Emil Brown being the biggest offensive threat in the lineup are over.
Greinke has an ERA of 3.59. He's given up less hits than innings pitched. And he has 179 strikeouts. Meche is at 4.05, less hits than innings pitched, and 176 strikeouts. R. Ramirez is at 2.67, less hits than innings pitched, and he averages 1 strikeout per inning. And you know all about Soria.
The long losing streaks are killers; they remind you how truly depressing it is to be a Royals fan. But, this year, we've also so seen some good stretches. And, if you look at it from a distance, this team is not just a little better than previous Royals teams. It's quite a bit better.
P.S. We will probably change our mind about the level of improvement as soon as tomorrow.
Meanwhile, the Royals aren't totally without power. They still need a legitimate HR hitter, in addition to continued power development by young players, but Guillen has 20 HR, Gordon and Teahen have 15, Dejesus and Olivo have 12, Butler has 10, and Buck has 9. It's a start.
OK. The HR totals are still pitiful. But it looks like the days of Emil Brown being the biggest offensive threat in the lineup are over.
Greinke has an ERA of 3.59. He's given up less hits than innings pitched. And he has 179 strikeouts. Meche is at 4.05, less hits than innings pitched, and 176 strikeouts. R. Ramirez is at 2.67, less hits than innings pitched, and he averages 1 strikeout per inning. And you know all about Soria.
The long losing streaks are killers; they remind you how truly depressing it is to be a Royals fan. But, this year, we've also so seen some good stretches. And, if you look at it from a distance, this team is not just a little better than previous Royals teams. It's quite a bit better.
P.S. We will probably change our mind about the level of improvement as soon as tomorrow.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Take a kid fishing, and then take him to Hooters
So we took Junior to Hooters this weekend. He's 9 years old. It was time.
Or was it? Some folks around the office seem to think it was bad idea.
In our defense, he's a very sophisticated kid. He's aware of gender issues and basic sexuality concerns. He's kind. He appreciates beauty and, at the same time, loves low culture. He's got a big vocabulary and a great sense of humor. Also, we told his mom we were taking him to Hooters and she thought it was a fine idea.
Before we went to Hooters, we went fishing. Junior caught a bunch of fish. It was a great day.
So, what do you think? Is it totally tacky to take a kid to Hoooters? Or just delightfully unrefined?
P.S. We feel sorry for boys who don't get to go fishing and don't see enough boobies.
Or was it? Some folks around the office seem to think it was bad idea.
In our defense, he's a very sophisticated kid. He's aware of gender issues and basic sexuality concerns. He's kind. He appreciates beauty and, at the same time, loves low culture. He's got a big vocabulary and a great sense of humor. Also, we told his mom we were taking him to Hooters and she thought it was a fine idea.
Before we went to Hooters, we went fishing. Junior caught a bunch of fish. It was a great day.
So, what do you think? Is it totally tacky to take a kid to Hoooters? Or just delightfully unrefined?
P.S. We feel sorry for boys who don't get to go fishing and don't see enough boobies.
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