Ethnographic studies in the Midwest

We found out this weekend that the state motto of Kansas is "To the stars with great difficulty." How can you not like that? Especially when you compare it to Missouri's motto, which is this: "If things don't work out, there's always the hot dog race."

As you know, there are a lot of baseball writers/thinkers with ties to Kansas, especially to the Lawrence area, starting with Bill James. Some of the others (as you know) are Rob Neyer (we think he comes across as a jerk and writes like a turd), John Sickles (who also likes model ships and Star Trek stuff), Rany Jazaryerli M.D. (we think he likes baseball because it defies logic, not because it can be explained by logic, which is awesome, but we're not sure if he fully realizes it), Joe Posnanski (who is really from Ohio, where the motto is "If we were like lightning, we wouldn't need no sneakers") and Sam Mellinger (we're not sure where he's from, but he's the best young reporter/writer covering the Royals).

Is it ironic that so many BIG baseball fans are cerebral, while so many of the players possess the intelligence of a greyhound chasing after a mechanical bone?

At least the Royals have Banny to bring up the collective IQ of the club.

You know, Y'ALL are really the only ones who really care about how well the Royals do. Some of the players care, but they know they'll be with another team soon enough. The owner doesn't REALLY care. Heck, we're pretty sure Denny doesn't care most nights. Even the manager doesn't have as much invested as long-term fans. But this is a Major League Baseball Team. It is not OK to have a crappy lineup. It is not OK to finish last every year. Don't be denied.

Yesterday's win against the Orioles was fine, but here are some sure signs, if you start to notice them, that the Royals are DONE and it's almost time to dream of football season:

1. Club officials and talking heads start talking about THE PLAN a lot and how important it is not to do anything that would upset THE PLAN.

2. The manager starts to compare the season to a GRIND over and over, and he insists on referring to mediocre players as GRINDERS again and again.

(For some reason, it doesn't matter who the general manager is or who the manager is, all Royals officials are ultimately doomed and will begin to speak in mindless sentences about THE PLAN and THE BIG GRIND.)

P.S. Big Donkeys hates it when clueless New York or California journalists breathlessly cover tornadoes in the Midwest. They act like they are anthroplogists trying to do an ethnographic study.* Just once, we'd like to see an F-4 hit Long Island or Anaheim.

*It would be a lot easier just to go to Wal-Mart any time.