Guns vs. Butter

So we were forced to go to Wal-Mart yesterday for the second time this week. Forced! We despise everybody who drives around the lot, looking for a place to park near the entrance. There are plenty of places in the far parking lot, and it's not that hard to walk. At least it shouldn't be. But 90 percent of the Americans at Wal-Mart are incredibly obese and have to use those motorized carts just to get around the store. Inside, that place is unfuckingbelievable. It's like a public zoo with the underbelly of humanity on full display.

The Royals lost last night (Thursday), but we wouldn't get too worried. Bale was OK. The game turned on the R's after the rain delay, German flubbed a double play, KC couldn't get any big hits, the bullpen wasn't great for a change. It happens. At least Butler had another hit.

To be honest, though, we are starting to get a little worried about the rest of the Royals offense.

DIAGNOSIS:

-- TPJ can't hit
-- The lineup's too left handed and doesn't have much power*
-- Guillen isn't hitting

*We suspect Buck and Olivo will ultimately supply above-average right-handed power at catcher

TREATMENT:

-- Send down/sit down Pena
-- Call up Jason Smith*
-- Institute a strict platoon with Smith and Callaspo at SS**
-- Call up Shealy to play 1B***
-- Dejesus in, Gathright to super bench outfielder status
-- Wait for Guillen to hit

* At least Smith already has 3 HR in Omaha
** Callaspo, a switch-hitter, can still spell Grudz at 2B also
*** Move Gload to the bench, may have to trade German to make room

(Yes, we know that we are sacrificing some defense here. It always comes down to guns versus butter, people.)

-- At the trade deadline, if the Royals are still in contention and Shealy hasn't magically become a big donkey, trade either Dejesus or Gathright and some good piece of livestock from the farm for a legitimate RH 1B who is a stud. And find a long-term SS if possible.

-- Pray Luke Hochevar emerges at some point and the rest of the pitching holds.