We started taking notes around the sixth inning last night.
If nobody wins the Sixth Inning Slam (and we don't really remember the Royals hitting many home runs in any inning), shouldn't that pot be growing at least semi-exponentially? Seems like that thing ought to be up to a million by now.
Who in the hell taught Mark Teahen to hit that one year in Omaha? Please tell us it wasn't Mike Barnett.
Now we've got a FIVE-man rotation.
DM knows pitching. Does he know hitting?
Jose Guillen! He ain't worth 36 meellion!
We demand some offense. Yes we can!
Where are the white women at?
Wham! A homer! Shit. Wrong team.
That's a shame.
Forget about it. We'll get em tomorrow (tonight).
OK. In order to take your minds off that frustrating loss, let's talk about gas prices.
Let's see if we've got this right:
The price of oil is higher, so the price to transport gas is higher, so the price at the pump is higher, which makes it more expensive to transport the next batch of gas to the pump, which drives the price per gallon up even more. Repeat vicious cycle.
Somebody should put Buddy Bell or Sluggrrr in charge of creating a new U.S. energy policy. We couldn't do any worse. Besides, Tom Friedman's busy writing another book about Bangladesh.
Screw Alaska. Tear that place apart in search of the last drop of oil like it's one BIG construction zone at the corner of I-70 and Blue Ridge Cut-Off.
Build some goddamn refineries already. Oklahoma's not that pretty to begin with.
How come we can't figure out a way to run automobiles on urine? Talk about a renewable resource. And we call ourselves Americans. Sheesh.
If we did run our vehicles on urine, Big Donkeys would drink twice as much beer and we'd be able to top off our car, the lawn mower, and the neighbor's SUV every night. We're willing to take up the slack, people.
We're SERIOUS about this. It's all about the circle of life. The answers to everything are available by watching kids movies, listening to post-cocaine Elton John and observing NATURE.
P.S. If you're a Hoosier or a Tar Heel, don't forget to vote for Isiah "Air" Obama today. If Rev. Wright's endorsement isn't good enough for you, be comforted by the fact that Big Donkeys knows basketball and we can vouch for Barack.
P.P.S. Every time a true genius emerges, a confederacy of dunces led by Sean Hannity (aka Stuck On Stupid) will rise up to make sure BIG ideas don't get into circulation.
P.P.P.S. On the other side of the divide, we heard this morning on NPR that some liberal professors are all upset that Ayn Rand's novels might get taught at the university level and that some students might get brainwashed into thinking for themselves. Great. Those eggheads are insufferable. We're Big Donkey Democrats, but we like a good Ayn Rand blast every once in a while to make us think. Just give the students Anthem and then make them listen to 2112. The education takes care of itself.
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5 comments:
Raising taxes on everything is not a new idea.
Forcing more people to be utterly dependent on the goverenment is not a new one either.
I realize that, but it's always good to make fun of Hannity for being boring and getting in a Confederacy of Dunces reference at the same time. Also: Running your car on piss is a new idea.
I don't have too much time to watch or listen to Hannity, although I think I read a book of his. (maybe, as they all are kind of the same)
Right now I prefer Rusty Humphrey when it comes to conservative talk, but that's really just a timing convienience.
The Royals MUST find a way to score more runs.
I listen to Limbaugh at lunch. Really. I like his style.
2112! What about Bytor and the Snow Dog! I don't think that Big Donkey is old enough to remember the double live LP All The World's A Stage which featured live versions of these lyrical (and socialist Canada) anthems.
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