Have you ever been to the doctor with a Royals-related ailment?

The Royals are the Royals...So let's talk about something else that is so screwed up that nobody will ever be able to figure out how to fix it.

What do you think about this whole health care plan?

Don't we already have national health care? Isn't the government already in charge of the health care for everyone with an AARP card? Isn't the whole thing (government + insurance and drug companies) way too corrupt and expensive? Isn't the whole thing in need of reform?

How the hell do you reform anything in this country these days? The good news is that there's no social security money left, so all of us will work, regardless of our ailments, until we drop dead. Penniless.

I have awesome insurance, so I don't really give a shit about the health care debate. I guess I'm not happy about paying higher rates to cover all of those who are uninsured, though, so it does seem to me like all of us have a stake in this, even if you take out the compassion factor. I say at least try to fix the damn thing in a bi-partisan way. The other side of the argument, it seems to me, boils down to wingnuts shouting the same old thing they've been shouting forever: Get a job!

Obviously, getting a job these days isn't as easy as it used to be. Especially a job with good insurance.

Anyway, like I said, I have awesome insurance. The thing is, though, I never go to the doctor. I am afraid of needles. I am afraid of the crazy diseases I am probably already polluted with...and I just don't want to know. Therefore, I am all the time on the Internet looking up symptoms and remedies, basically diagnosing myself with exotic stuff. This is the reason why I soak my feet in apple cider vinegar. This is the reason I actually got interested in colon cleansing (it's totally bunk) after hearing advertisements on XM radio all the time. At some point, I'm sure I'll want to try out one of those male enhancement products, if for no other reason than curiosity...Do you want to perform better? Sure, it couldn't hurt. Do you want to be larger? I am not opposed to the idea...I mean, it's no wonder they're selling the hell out of those pills, even if they don't actually work.

But I would never go to a doctor in my right mind unless I had a compound fracture or some kind of laceration that definitely required stitches. In those cases, the reason for going to the doctor is perfectly obvious and the wounds are somehow masculine. In other cases, you're going to the doctor because something MIGHT be wrong. And there's always the chance of needles or really bad news.

I should mention that I did go the emergency room a few years ago because I was having a heart attack, which seemed like a good enough reason to go at the time. But as it turns out, I was having a panic/anxiety attack. So I only ended up at the hospital that time because I was CRAZY. (I blame the Royals.)

Anyway, everyone should be more like me. Then health care wouldn't be quite as expensive. Until you get really sick.

In conclusion, I think the best way for us to frame this health care debate is as follows: Just give all of us an opportunity to get the same health care that the Kansas City Royals enjoy from their mediocre (at best) medical training staff. It wouldn’t be great care, by any stretch of the imagination, but if we could get it (on the cheap) for everyone who can’t afford insurance, I think that would have to be considered a win.

NOTE: I am not giving up my awesome insurance and going with the Royals option.

P.S. I haven't been bagging on the Obama haters, even though I want to really bad, because I did expend quite a bit of energy going after Dubya. Fair is fair. And I do see where Obama screws up. People have a right to express dissent. But I have to say that this whole Limbaugh-Palin crowd and their followers really, really scare me. More and more every day. The things they believe in and advocate are shocking.

P.P.S. At the risk of jinxing him, the Big Donkey (Butler) is really hitting the ball well these days.