Wednesday, April 14, 2010


This blog is toast. Might start a new one though. It will be named after the bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. For real.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

All life is suffering

My brother's friends take their own Porta-Potty to The K early on Opening Day and charge admission.

This year, in honor of the Tigers, the Porta-Potty was named the Detroit Dumper.

My brother (Jeremy) is also in the opening montage for all 2010 Royals TV broadcasts (apparently).

This team is going to be monumentally bad, and there's nothing Zack Greinke can do about it.

You have to be a Buddhist to make peace with being a Royals fan.

We have had the worst third base coaches in the history of baseball. This team is so laughable. I'm not going to say one positive thing about them until everybody is fired.

How many times can you jump the freakin shark?

I should have gotten a fantasy team this year.

I am DONE (until approximately Wednesday or whenever I decide to add PSs to this).

P.S. About that high pop up in the first inning...I was listening on the radio. Denny said the best infielder on the team was the only one who had any idea where the ball was, and that was Greinke.

Friday, April 2, 2010

New Q&A with Mets Fan Rob

Now that Opening Day is almost upon us, it's time to check back in with Mets Fan Rob:

Do you have any advice for Billy Butler on proper base running and sliding techniques?

He should always run the bases in a counter-clockwise direction and slide as little as possible.

Do you think the Royals play-by-play guys should be replaced with Jeremy and Motl?

No, but I do think Jeremy and Motl should be replaced.

Which Cormac McCarthy character would Zack Greinke be?

Easy. Gene Harrogate from Suttree.

When is the most appropriate time to scream "Yo la Tengo!"?

When you get the results back from an STD test.

What is the equivalent Russian phrase for "Feyh's a nightmare!"?

The answer can be found here:

Think of the Royals as theatre of the absurd (how can you not). What's the title of the play?

The Poo Story (in honor of George Brett and with apologies to Edward Albee).

You can't make this stuff up

Here are the highlights of the off-season/spring training for the Royals:

Man sues Royals mascot for throwing a hot dog at his eye.

Top prospect Danny Duffy decides he'd rather not play professional baseball anymore.

Royals sign Brian Anderson to a $700,000 major-league contract as a centerfielder. Anderson decides he wants to be a pitcher and is sent to the low minors.

Of course, the Royals have a long history of making absurd headlines:

Jose Guillen performs self-surgery on toe

Ken Harvey gets head stuck in tarp during game

Tony Pena Jr. swings bat one-handed

Former Royal Chico Lind gets caught driving with no pants on

Jimmy Gobble injures foot by stepping on cactus

Royals lose game when fly ball hits seagull

Emil Brown shoots female reporter in eye with BB gun.

What are your favorite Royals follies?