Thursday, May 28, 2009

So far

We just went back and looked at our answers in Sam Mellinger's pre-season over/under contest. The only one we're completely screwed on is the number of Alex Gordon home runs. Most of the others look pretty good so far...

1. Jose Guillen's on-base percentage: .320 OVER

2. Miguel Olivo and John Buck combined home runs: 25 1/2 UNDER

3. On-field body slams by Kyle Farnsworth: 1/2 UNDER

4. Willie Bloomquist's starts at 2B: 100 UNDER

5. Zack Greinke Cy Young ballot points: 1/2 OVER

6. Mike Jacobs HR: 26 1/2 OVER

7. Gil Meche wins: 13 1/2 OVER

8. Kyle Davies innings: 165 OVER

9. Alex Gordon's HR: 20 1/2 OVER

10. Billy Butler's on-base-plus-slugging percentage: .800 OVER

11. Mike Aviles batting average: .295 UNDER

12. Combined innings for Royals starting pitchers 950 OVER

13. Joakim Soria's saves: 37 1/2 U NDER

14: Royals finish: 3 1/2 (in this case, an under pick means they'll finish third or better) UNDER

15. Royals wins: 76 1/2 OVER


The Curse of Buddy Biancalana

We wrote this before the season started:

There's only one thing that really worries us about the 2009 Kansas City Royals. It's not Mike Jacobs' on-base percentage. It's not Willie Bloomquist's contract. It's not Jose Guillen's temper. It's not even the threat that Trey Hillman will ask Billy Butler to bunt. Here is what really worries us: the infield defense.

A.C. has no range, Teahen is starting to be exposed at 3B, SS is a cursed position in KC...Thank God, we've got Billy Butler at 1B.

Here are some other things that are worrying us right now: We don't have a viable SS, Kyle Davies, Guillen's defense, Gil Meche, the catching situation, Soria's arm, Coco's arm, David Dejesus, and the state of Greenland's ice shelf.

At least three of those situations need to be rectified fast.

To be fair, here are some things that are good (so they're probably obvious): Greinke (obviously), AC's bat, Teahen's ability to hit the ball with authority to the opposite field, team OBP, Bannister, the return of Bale, Mitch Meier as a bench player, Guillen at the dish, Jacobs' ability to hit the big fly, and the continued maturity of Green Day.

P.S. Guess we now know why Coco's arm has been so pathetic and erratic. Maybe he'll just have a below average arm if his shoulder heals?

BTW, it's been our personal experience that shoulders never heal on their own, even when we're talking about a non-pitcher.

PSBTW -- Yes, we used to pitch. Our fastball was our out pitch, and we weren't afraid to go inside. (We actually caused at least two brawls, and we were one of the smallest guys on the team.) Later, we switched exclusively to change-ups, which, as we recall, got hit very, very hard.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Royals are sketchy

We walked all around The Hill and ended up eating at Rigazzi's (again). The food isn't that great, but we really like the atmosphere. We also went to Blueberry Hill. Junior played video poker at the bar at both places while we drank beer and smoked.

We can't stop our father from saying I-Talian. Surprised he didn't get rolled.

There was a Dirt Cheap next to our Holiday Inn. We bought some Vantage Ultra-Lights. Old school.

We sat way up high on Sunday. It was hard to find the ball. In those situations, you have to watch the outfielders in order to track fly balls.

The Cardinals need to renovate that stadium already. The concourses need to be widened and they've got to figure out a way to move traffic from the upper levels to the lower levels more efficiently. Leaving the game took forever, and we felt TRAPPED while trying to descend and find an opening out.

Bannister really bailed the Royals out Sunday. So did Bale (and Jacobs).

Butler is starting to get his swing on.

But the Royals aren't a very good team, at all, right now.

The games on Friday and Saturday and yesterday were too ugly for words.

Hopefully Greinke doesn't give up more than one run tonight.

P.S. Junior thinks I say the word "sketchy" too much. He's probably right.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Got the balls to take my money and get a real Playboy bunny


Got the tickets. Going up to St. Louis Saturday and to the game on Sunday. We want to go to The Hill and eat because Dad likes the Old Country vibe. But where to eat there is the question. We've tried a few places, and while we like the vibe, we're not sure the food was THAT great. Any recommendations?

We'll also go over to The Loop.

Also: Is The Metro Train or whatever they call it really crowded prior to games?

This will be Junior's first game in St. Louis.

We're trying to resist the temptation to come out and give all of the reasons why we're suddenly highly skeptical of this Royals team ending up being much better than past teams, even though the conventional wisdom is that it's a much improved team that may or not contend. Let's just say that the problems aren't really on offense. Some of the biggest problems haven't even shown up as real problems yet. We're just starting to get that sinking feeling. That's why some of these great stretches and great games this year have only made us moderately giddy.

OK. We've gotten explosively giddy a couple of times, which was great fun. Hopefully this mirage of contention lasts a while longer.

Just please take 2 out of 3 from the Cardinals.

Oh, and the Tigers are looking tough.

P.S. The Royals most reliable pitcher out of the pen right now is Farnsworth. Scary times.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

You have GOT to be crappin me!

OMFG! THAT just happened. This is SO bizzare. It's like the Royals buried the bodies of Bob Hamelin and Ken Harvey on the grounds of The New K for luck. (Harvey is buried somewhere under the tarp.)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


For some reason, we haven't been keeping up with this blog lately. But that doesn't mean we're too high or low on the Royals right now. Reminds us of these lyrics:

I been on Main Street
I been on every street,
I been high but I been low more.
Ain't got no angles left,
With my heartstrings dangling down
I'm coming round to letting go.

This doesn't mean that we're letting go of our passion for the Royals. It's just that we're getting more...mellow. It must have something to do with age.

And then Callaspo boots a ball or Hillman does some dumbass thing, and we go ballistic like we're George Fuckin Brett on a golf course.

But it passes and we try to find our special mellow place again. This is a lot easier to do when the Royals are actually winning Major League Baseball games, which means we are more content now than we've been in a lot of years (six-game losing streaks and shitty defense aside).

Anyway, we're maturing. Yesterday, we even managed to watch Game Five of the 1976 playoffs. If you're too young to have it seared into your memory, this was the Chris Chambliss home run game. What we had never seen before is the interview with Brett in the clubhouse after Chambliss finished fighting through the crowd of humanity that was trying to congratulate him in a sort of frenzied New York kind of way. (It looked like Pamplona out there!) Anyway, the reporter asked a dejected George if he was trying to hit a three-run homer in the at-bat that resulted in the Royals tying the game late. George said the wall was 310 feet away, so he was trying to hit it 311.

And we fully realized that Kansas City never would been good enough to lose to the Yankees those three straight years, never would have been good enough to make it to the World Series in 1980, and never would have been good enough to win the World Series in 1985...without George Fuckin Brett. He can say whatever the fuck he wants to say in KC, and probably should.

P.S. We really need to score some tickets to one of the games in St. Louis this weekend. If you get us the tickets, we'll let you guest-post whatever the hell you want to on this blog for the rest of the season. What an enticement!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


! ?

This team is immune to long losing streaks. THIS team is immune to long losing streaks. This team is IMMUNE to long losing streaks. This team is immune to LONG losing streaks.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Living on Hillbilly Time

Yeah, the defense is bad. Guillen can't run. Soria is hurt. Aviles can't hit anymore and Dejesus can't seem to do anything right right now. Oh well. We're still in first place, and the only thing that's really bothering us is that tonight's game in Oakland doesn't start until past 9 p.m. Hillbilly Time.

We have lots of thoughts on the Royals, but none of them seem to be especially brilliant or original. So we'll just keep it short until we come up with some stupid things that we're just dying to say/write.

P.S. Butler almost got thrown out at second on a recent double off the wall. That's one of our favorite plays in baseball, and it almost always involves Billy. Or Jacobs.

P.P.S. Brad Pitt, who grew up in the house that was two houses behind our house, is playing Billy Beane in the movie version of Moneyball. The San Francisco Chronicle (apparently its still in business) has an article about the film. Wonder who will play Mark Teahen? Word on the street is that Bill James will be depcited as an animated cartoon character.

P.P.P.S. Oh, what the hell, here's another link for those of you who like to read stuff. The Atlantic is currently publishing some of the best journalism writing that we know of.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Down go the ChiSox

Here were our thoughts while listening to last night's game...

Davies needs to capture that late September, early April mojo.

Is Callaspo on steroids?

Why isn't Coco running more?

We think it's probably a good idea to pay union workers too much money to create things like the new crown on the scoreboard. It seems to us that this captures the essence of what stimulus is all about. Use taxpayer money to fund frivolous but cool things that the taxpayers can enjoy, while supporting a work force that earns good wages. If we're going to throw away huge sums of money, we might as well get something out of it, like jobs and a renovated stadium. Take, for instance, the St. Louis Arch. It's totally impractical and American. Think of all of the guys who got paid to build that thing back in the day. Think about how important it has become to the city and nation, even though it doesn't serve any real purpose. The time is right to invest in the next big ideas that don't make any sense but put people to work.

Is there anybody out there?

Have you ever melted plastic in your oven?

It's not a good idea to cook in conjunction with gin.

Who's our main competition in the division? The Tigers?

What's the deal with Davies? He's looking like a weak link lately.

Why can't John Buck throw ANYBODY out?

Jacobs! Holy Smokes!

Ozzie Guillen is more intelligent than he acts.

More walks by guys like Guillen and Jacobs? Good sign.

Why send the runner from third with no outs?

Thanks, Hillman, for pinch-running for Guillen and Butler in the seventh innning of a runfest. (But we probably should have gone ahead and won it in the seventh.)

Remember when Dejesus was good?

Remember when J. Wright was an afterthought?

Holy Schnikes! We win. Looks like we're going to have to get used to this.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Just checking in

Do you ever get down on your knees and thank the Baby Jesus that Greinke is a Royal?

The Royals are actually getting to the point where they're predictably good.

We bought another shirt that doesn't fit. This is becoming a trend. Are they making them smaller these days, or are we really getting fat?

Christ, we've been walking to and from work for the past few weeks. You'd think the beer belly would go away, just like that.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Winning is so much better than losing

Tony Pena Jr. could ground out with one hand tied behind his back.

Jacobs is about due for a couple of dingers, isn't he?

We like Jose Guillen. We can't help it.

Hard to keep Hochevar down.

No, we didn't pick the winner of the Kentucky Derby.

Yes, we went to the Elks Club to watch the Derby on Saturday and place wagers.

Friday's special at the Elks Club was frog legs.

On Derby Day, there was a women's hat contest. Lots of really old ladies (on the prowl) and big hats.

Miguel Olivo lives in his own mind. That attempted steal of home was stupid ridiculous, and awesome.

Anybody see Farnsworth lately?

Callaspo and Bloomquist already have more extra base hits than we expected out of them for the entire season.

Coco is a fine centerfieler.

Coco can't throw, but we don't care.

We bought some seriously funky silk shirts on Commercial Street. One of them doesn't fit, though.

HoRam looks pretty good in the pen. Late in games, somebody's going to have to get out the following on a consisistent basis: Mauer, Morneau, Thome, Sizemore, Martinez, Granderson, etc. This is something that scares us.

OK. It's Greinke time.