We have devised our own detailed off-season plan for the Royals. It is very bold and full of existential contingencies. You should know that part of the plan involves trading Butler and Dejesus, among others. We have identified three teams as the most desirable trading partners: Boston, Colorado, and Florida.
Everybody got mixed feelings about the function and the form. Everybody got to deviate from the norm.
Everybody got reverse polarity.
Our mind has been very active and fertile of late. We have come up with possibly the best porn character ever: Hugh Mungus. We can see it now: “Living Large,” starring Hugh Mungus, Tony N. Dowd, and Cheri Mathers as The Beaver.
On a more PC note: we have decided to go to a Halloween party as Flavor Flav. We’re going to buy one of those Viking helmets at a flea market, put a big clock on a chain and wear it around our neck, and paint one of our teeth gold.
P.S. So who will be the new hitting coach next season? We nominate Slugrrrrr. Because the Royals could really use at least one slugger in a non-mascot capacity.
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