The Squirrel Incident

So we realized on Day 2 of the Great Mid-Life Crisis that we weren't at the beginning or middle of the crises; we are actually coming to the END of the crisis. We've spent years and years gallavanting around like an idiot with one foot in the middle class and the other somewhere in Bohemia. At some point this past weekend, we abruptly decided to actually move forward and forget about pretending like we are who we wanted to be. We thought we knew exactly what we were doing the whole time, but maybe now we are just coming out of the fog.

The entire epiphany must have had something to do with our brother's pet squirrel.

During the day, our brother lets Elmer play in the trees. When our brother gets home from work, he calls to Elmer and Elmer comes back to him. This weekend, our brother brought Elmer from KC to Springfield. He let him play in the trees in our parents' back yard. But many hours went by, and Elmer didn't respond to our brother's calls. Our brother sadly resigned himself to the reality that Elmer had probably found a friend and, besides, he was probably better off in a more natural environment anyway.

The next night, we are all eating steak at the dinner table. Suddenly our father's eyes get very big and he jumps out of his seat like his ass is on fire. "Squirrel!" yells our father. Elmer, of course, has somehow gotten inside and has jumped up on the old man's shoulder. Our brother, who has finished his steak, quickly grabs Elmer and heads for the door. "This will increase my chances of getting laid tonight," says Brother.

At this moment, we must have had an epiphany brought on by the squirrel incident. Though, to be truthful, it probably had more to do with what had happened the night before.