Election Eve in the Armpit of the Ozarks

Well, we went to see Obama Saturday in Springfield. We met some friends who were near the front of the line at 3 p.m. We drank airplane bottles of vodka and Southern Comfort while the kids ran around. It was fun. We were among the first 200 or so people who got inside the venue at 6:30 p.m. We situated ourselves about 15 feet from the podium. The kids, who had been up all night the night before, laid down on the football field to take a nap. Then the crowd kept coming and coming. It soon became clear that we were trapped in our spots for the duration of the event. Luckily the kids had gone to the bathroom on the way in. Apparently, the line outside stretched from Parkview H.S. all the way to Bass Pro. (All told, some 30,000 showed up.) After several boring speakers, including the biggest doofus in politics, Jay Nixon, and the competent Claire McCaskill, Michele Obama FINALLY came on stage about 9:30 p.m. She was soon joined by her beautiful kids and then by Barack.

We tried to lift Junior up to see, but he's getting big. We sorta had him situated on our back for a while, but we eventually gave up during Sen. Obama's speech. It didn't help matters that the starting five for the Lakers was standing in front of us, and everybody was waving those stupid campaign signs. By the time Obama's speech was halfway over, the kids were zombies. The youngest girl was weeping. We'd been there forever without food or water and no way to move even a foot in any direction. Then one of the kids started to get sick. Somehow, thanks to the help of a security guard, they got him out of the crowd before he tossed his Halloween candy. He was still very sick later on when we saw him in the parking lot.

After Obama stopped speaking, we tried to find a way off the field. But there was only one narrow path of escape. We chose to hop a fence. Junior and I didn't have much of a problem, but we had to rescue one of the ladies who freaked out in mid-climb. Back in the parking lot, FINALLY, there was a monumental traffic jam. Junior and I said screw it, left our car where it was, and started walking. We had about a five-mile hike, but we were finally FREE.

On the long walk home, Junior said he was going to write about his Saturday on Monday (today) in class. The whole thing had made a big impression on him. He said he was going to write all about climbing over the fence and walking across town at midnight. What an adventure. Apparently, the part about seeing the next president of the United States was a very minor part of the story and would only be mentioned in his paper in order to set up the parts about the fence and the journey home through Middle Earth. We are very proud of Junior.

P.S. Sorry. Broke out of the Royal We for a moment there. That's harder to manage than you think.

P.P.S. I share these sentiments about the Jacobs trade.