Robin Hood and Little John
Walkin' through the forest
Laughin' back and forth
At what the other'ne has to say
Reminiscin', This-'n'-thattin'
Havin' such a good time
Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally
Golly, what a day!
At some point, though, I learned that sharing and helping others was just a load of crap that they shove down kids' throats. As you get older, you're supposed to get tougher. It's a dog-eat-dog world. Things are cut-throat out there. You are judged by how much you can get for yourself. Those old stories are just stories. Nobody practices what they preach.
Well, fuck that. I'm still down with Robin Hood and The Good Samaritan.
That is probably why I've worked in academia and the non-profit sector most of my life. I still believe in the stories! I have managed to make a meager living out of words. How cool is that? I believe in the power of words and stories. They last a hell of a lot longer than a promotion at work or a new condo. They last a lot longer than facts.
Sometimes I do PR work. This means I have to twist the facts in order to make the stories better. I am OK with that, as long as I am selling a narrative I believe in. I wouldn't last a day in the corporate world. Their idea of a good story is always a big cardboard check and a ribbon cutting with really big scissors. They think big cardboard checks and ridiculously big scissors are fantastic stories! They think people love this stuff! They take the picture, pat themselves on the back, write a really crappy news release, and then go to lunch at Applebees.
What a joke.
So what's better than oversized cardboard checks and really big scissors? I'll tell you what: a three-legged dog story. The Three-Legged Dog Story is almost as good as the Robin Hood Story and The Good Samaritan Story. You can learn a lot about humanity from three-legged dogs. You can't learn anything positive about humanity from the corporate world.
Sometimes I still vote for Republicans, though, because capitalism is important to the country. But, in addition to being good competitors, any candidate I support must have a solid command of language in order to create a compelling narrative.
I believe in competition as a way to get the animal out. This is why I love sports. I've always been super competitive when it comes to sports, but I don't really believe in being competitive outside the parameters of a game.
I have always treated politics as a game. But this time my love of competition is spilling out into my real world. I am angry. I am no longer objective. This, in fact, is not a game. For the first time, I don't see an acceptable alternative to winning. The story that is being written this time is history. That has always been the case with presidential elections, of course, but the narrative for this one is as powerfully important as it's ever been.
Will there be redemption? Have we learned any lessons? Which candidate knows how to tell a three-legged dog story and which one is trying to sell us the big cardboard check?
One candidate will be accused of stealing from the rich in order to give to the poor. So be it. He will also be accused of helping those who can't help themselves. Good for him. Yes, he still believes in the good stories, for better or worse. More importantly, he knows how to live them.
P.S. Now I am convinced that I have gone completely over the moon and have become one of those idealistic hippies that I’ve always hated so much. At least I’m not lazy most of the time. Still, I'm going back to the Royal We next time, because there's safety in numbers.
P.P.S. McCain's POW story is a great Three-Legged Dog Story, but he went and allowed Sarah Palin and others to stupidly shoot the damn dog with a high-powered rifle.
P.P.P.S. The only candidate I ever voted for who did not have a good command of the English language was George W. Bush. Look how that turned out.
8 comments:
(The following comments do not apply to rants written in response to relatively obscure blogs.)
My wife is much more of a grammarian than I am, but I understand your feeling about the language.
We are currently reconsidering our choice in schools for our son because the teacher can't put together a coherent defense of her assignments.
She probably has good reasons for the choices she makes, but she sent home a Palinesque jargon filled letter that was literally ungrammatical. It was as if she had created her own language.
We are hoping that it was only a poor attempt at elevating her diction, and that she doesn't actually talk to the students this way.
As I grow older and more contankerous my patients for imbeciles is declining.
Of course all of this is my fault because I have been working as H.S. English teacher for the past 11 yrs.
Your reward (for being a teacher) is in heaven -- as Palin would say. But I believe that our elementary and secondary teachers are heroes. Having said that, I got all crazy (well, me and my ex-wife) about a teacher my son had a few years ago, and we actually had him change schools for a year. (Turns out, the teacher in question later had to be removed from the classrooom and replaced, so our instincts were right.) I just wish I placed a higher value on math and common sense, because my son is off the charts with his verbal and reading comprehension scores, etc., but he is struggling in math. I feel like that's my fault.
Math is overrated. Trust me, I'm an actuary.
An actuary? Does this mean you are the one responsible for the economic crisis and the end of life as we know it? I knew there had to be one guy out there who we could all blame for everything. Just be a patriot and take the fall.
P.S. Sconie/Royal/Prick: Seriously, what is your opinion of the economic situation? Where does the money from the bailout go and how does it circulate through the system? What do you think is going to happen next?
I am a pension actuary and I deal generally with mortality and not with financing. We tell companies how much money they need to have to fund their pension plans, and it’s their (and their financial consultants) job to make sure they have enough. Exciting stuff I know.
As far as the current economic situation, I wish I could offer a better opinion. It seems the creditors were giving loans to people that couldn’t repay them, but if the people don’t get the loans then they can’t spend that money stimulating the economy. Seems very Catch-22. I have a very good friend who works (worked?) for Wachovia, job security is a very big issue right now in the corporate world.
In my humble opinion we need to tax the holy hell out of the rich, or at least start spreading more of the wealth, very “Communist” of me. The people running these companies are becoming richer and can accomplish this without any basis on company performance; CEO’s run a company into bankruptcy but come out $100 Mil richer for their efforts while the employees see nothing. And they can get away with this because everyone on the Board of Directors is a CEO of another company. I wish I could say this is original thought, but I read TMQ a lot.
The rich getting richer and their is nothing we can do because they run the country, and it isn’t just the Republicans. I wish more people realized it isn’t just Republicans and Bush running this country into the ground (although it mostly is), very “Green Party” of me.
Part of me thinks this is the end of the line…Cold War II, Great Depression II, World War III, nothing would surprise me, Rome was conquered too. And part of me thinks this will all get resolved, because damn it this is America and we can handle this, the people running this country will step up and start taking responsibility for turning this thing around, and hopefully these people are much smarter than I.
I will say this; I am not against spending more on homeland security right now, very “Republican” of me. But this means we should pull out of Iraq ASAP, very “Democrat” of me. I hope Obama can fix this, but the pessimist in me doesn’t think it matters who gets elected.
Good thoughts. I just wish Hunter Thompson would have waited a few more years to shoot himself. Everything's getting weirder and weirder, and he would have loved this stuff.
I obviously meant "patience" not "patients." Damn homophones.
I considered deleting the comment, but I'll just add this correction instead.
Luckily I won't be running for president any time soon.
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