Mets Fan Rob used to live in New York for a while, but now he lives in Springfield, Mo., where he enjoys being troglodytic, except when he doesn't. Yes, he's a Mets fan, but he once heckled Mark McGwire at The K and he once gave us a vintage photo (autographed) of Amos Otis in a Mets uniform. So Mets Fan Rob is good people.
BD -- Who is your favorite Royals player and why?
MFR -- All-time favorite is George "True Story" Brett. My current favorite is Zach Greinke, and it isn't even close. Probably my favorite player in the game.
BD -- How is Carlos Beltran doing in New York these days?
MFR -- He sucks. You are so lucky that he isn't on your team. He grounds out every time, throws like Johnny Damon's sister (who, ironically, throws like a boy, as long as that boy is Johnny Damon) and runs like a little league catcher. I hope that helps.
BD -- What happened that one time when you woke up in the Mexican neighbor's bed?
MFR -- I don't have any recollection of that. I would refer any further questions on the subject to my attorney, Alberto Gonzales.
BD -- What do you think the Royals record will be this year?
MFR -- Most combined total weight of past first basemen. Not you, Billy Butler. You are a delicate flower.
BD -- What happened that one time when the Mets traded Scott Kazmir?
MFR -- I started drinking heavily and haven't stopped yet. That is my pledge, to stay drunk until Omar Minaya calls Scott Kazmir home.
BD -- If a girl asked you to pee on her, would you do it?
MFR -- Not unless she was on fire. And even then, it would depend on the size of the fire. And the girl.
(I would like to take this opportunity to welcome those of you who are only here because of a google search involving that question. Sorry to waste your time.)
BD -- Who is your biggest fantasy sleeper this year? (Don't worry about giving away the info; nobody reads this blog.)
MFR -- Shallow: Jason Motte. Deep: Daniel Murphy. Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller: What Would Jesus Guzman Do?
BD -- If Lyle Lovett was a baseball player, what position would he play?
MFR -- Journeyman Middle Reliever on a one year deal. And he would sing:
"If I throw the heat
I can paint the corners
But when I try the slider
I throw it in the dirt.
And we could all together
go out to the bullpen
and you could watch my slider in the dirt."
BD -- How many beers will Jeremy have had by the third inning of Opening Day at The K?
MFR -- It was my understanding that there would be no math.
BD -- Smallmouth or trout?
MFR -- I like my fishing like I like my women: easy, shallow, and just a little cold. Smallmouth.
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