Seriously

According to this, it's been two years since the Royals had a hitter with an OPS over .800. (Correction: They haven't had a spot in the batting order that has produced an OPS over .800 in two years.)

If we had lots of money, we would have put it in Gold two years ago. And right now, we'd take that money and put it into cheap houses. Seriously, we'd buy up several cheap houses right now and just sit on them.

That's what's eventually going to bring this economy back: cheap houses.

We are seriously worried about the Royals infield defense. Having said that, we are also seriously worried about wasting as many at-bats on Bloomquist as we did on TPJ (and Gload and Gathright) last year.

We are seriously considering starting a side business as a freelance resume writer and obituary writer. Who would have thought that there would be recession-proof ways to make money for an English major?

P.S. Did anyone see that story about the lion mutilating 42 midgets that we linked to last week? Seriously. A lion mutilated 42 midgets!

P.P.S. We are not going to be happy if we have to watch Joel Peralta give up a bunch of home runs again this year. Fortunately, we don't think he'll get the opportunity.

P.P.P.S. We seriously don't understand people who like upscale "BBQ." This is a food that is meant to be acquired from black people in a smokey shack in KC. Same idea applies to beer, as far as we're concerned. Seriously. We got so sick of fancy micro-beers when we were living in Seattle and Portland. Once, we got drunk in a bar and made the following demand to the bartender: "Give me something I can see through, preferrably something from St. Louis or Milwaukee or Golden, Colorado."