The United States of Generica

So there's been this email going around. Maybe you've seen it in your in-box. The email tries to show how every citizen over 18 could get something like $300,000 for the same money we're about to spend on this Wall Street fix. This would flood the housing markets with good money and pump tons of cash into Main Street and Wall Street. It sounds like a fantastic idea, especially when you consider how corrupt and inept congress and the business tycoons have been. Why not just give the money to us?

But what if almost everybody suddenly had $3000,000? Think about it for a minute...

The college kids would all quit school and smoke dope full time.

Nobody would be willing to do low-paying jobs for at least a few years.

Who would do labor?

Who would work fast food?

Who would tend bar?

Who would work at Wal-Mart?

The strippers would all quit!

The influx of illegal workers would be massive.

All of the rednecks would go out and buy huge trucks.

We would use up all of the remaining oil in two years.

Regular Americans would buy double or triple the crap they don't need.

There would be a Texas Roadhouse and an Applebee's on every corner, but nobody would be willing to work there for under 50 bucks an hour.

Regular Americans would get lazier, fatter, and dumber.

The old money crowd would get increasingly scared of the huge class of new money barbarians.

Massive inflation would happen.

The new money barbarians would spend all of their money and go broke.

Hello strippers again!

P.S. We recently got a line of credit from Washington Mutual, which failed yesterday. Does this mean we now don't have to pay back any of the money we spend?

P.P.S. Use the force tonight Obama. You are the last hope.

UPDATE: Apparently the email going around is wrong. Imagine that! Instead of $300,000, we'd each get about $425 bucks. That's almost enough money to go out to Arrowhead and watch the Chiefs lose.