You might be a Royals fan if

You have three cats named Amos, Otis and A.O.

You're excited to be in first place after one game.

You have actually contemplated the relative merits of stocking the outfield fountain pools at The K with largemouth bass.

You've ever sent Rob Neyer an email calling him a traitor.

You're still waiting for Dan Reichert to blossom into a Cy Young candidate.

You read dumb Royals blogs with pictures of boobs on them.

You once threatened to punch your dad for suggesting that Mark Teahen is never going to amount to much. Take it back, mother fucker!

You are haunted by the names Neifi and Angel.

You remember Joe Zdeb. Fondly.

You have an irrational hatred for the Cardinals.

You still think that Chuck Knoblauch signing could have been a good thing.

You once drunkenly "accosted" Paul Splittorff on a dark Seattle street by the King Dome, and he took it the wrong way.

You put your fist through the wall when Chris Chambliss hit that home run that one time...

And you were 7. Stupid Chambliss.