Nor for the pestilence that walketh in the darkness

The Royals lost again, despite leading early (again), so let's talk instead about Milton Bradley's failed assault on Ryan Lefebvre after the game. After being restrained and led back down to the clubhouse, Milton broke down in tears. This guy needs all kinds of help. But he's still a damn good ballplayer.

People who proudly admit in 2008 that they don't know how to use the Internets: Denny Matthews, Larry King, John McCain. (We still love Denny.) This is interesting because the Internets are most useful (and indispensable) when it comes to baseball, media and politics. And porn (obviously).

But we don't need the Internets to tell us that the key to having a good offense is getting a lot of doubles and home runs (and walks). Singles are like sunflower seeds: they're really nice, but they don't fill you up. This is one reason why the Royals suck eggs.

Walks, for a hitter, are like taking a sick day when you're not really sick.

Getting a win, if you're a Royals fan, is like getting laid unexpectedly and being really happy about it but then worrying about what kind of crazy price you're going to pay in the coming days for taking advantage of your rare luck. (We'd be willing to deal with this kind of stress 80 or 90 times a year.)

We thought for a while that we were going to get lucky last night, and the night before, but we were wrong.

Guillen is the only guy in our lineup who makes opposing pitchers afraid to throw strikes. But he's not the kind of guy who likes to take advantage of sick days.

Our middle relief is VERY shaky right now.

Too bad Grudz isn't playing out his career with a good team like the Cardinals. (Did we just say that?) Still, we're gearing up to face a Pujoless Cardinals team pretty soon, and we like our chances (not really).

P.S. We like Coors products, but we're still not wild about the idea of a foreign company taking over Anheuser-Busch.

P.P.S. Looks like K-State got hit by a tornado last night. The weather has been unbelievable lately, what with all of the floods and tornados. Locusts and pestilence are next, and it's all George Bush's fault. Everything is going to continue to go wrong until Dubya finally leaves office.